The Art and Science Of...Me

Who am I?

That The Lord of all the earth,

would care to know my name...

would care to feel my hurt...

If you really knew me...you wouldn’t like me. Do you ever catch this thought beetling through your head. Usually followed closely by the troublesome: Am I good enough? Am I worthy? Or recently thanks to the popular rock song.... Am I pretty enough?

When I was a little girl I used to spend hours pretending to be somebody else...not just anybody, specifically those I perceived to be beautiful, attractive, successful, even fascinating. I was often frustrated by my gawky self, my unruly straw coloured hair, my voice that was just lacking “something”, my freckly face, chubby body and totally un-appealing flat chest!!! I longed to be as sensual as Sandra Dee (Olivia Newton-John in “Grease”), as beautiful as Eliza Doolittle (Audrey Hepburn in “My Fair Lady”), as free-spirited as Maria (Julie Andrews in “The Sound Of Music”) and I’m super embarrassed to say....as voluptuous as Dolly Parton!!! 

With these beauties of stage and screen to compare myself too, I never really stacked up! I often felt awkward and uncomfortable with my body, my singing voice, my “self” and my um lack of a bust! And then I stumbled over Psalm 139. And over time have come to accept the “me” that God made! It didn’t come easily! I didn’t wake up one morning and suddenly think “I’m gorgeous – strike a pose!” Quite the opposite actually. It took me a while. I would take all my insecurities, stinging comments (like “do you have a baby in your belly” when I wasn’t pregnant) to God and pour out my heart in prayer. There, curled up in a tight little ball in the arms of Jesus, repeating all those hurtful, critical remarks and comparing myself to someone else’s beautiful outsides....God slowly began to reveal to me just how carefully he put me together, how dear I am to Him, how He deliberately wired me for His plan and His purpose! And each time I come back and sit in His presence I am reminded that it only matters that I’m His! He knows me, He sees my very thoughts, He thinks about me more often than I can even comprehend....and He loves me just the way I am! Of course it helps that I married an Electrician, a fella that really sees me...and likes the way I’m wired!

God is with you and rescues you from your troubles. You are not alone in this world, quite the contrary actually. The one who lovingly pieced you together, who knows your very thoughts; has a plan and a purpose for your life! You are not some random collection of cells coming together unexpectedly...you are a delicate framework, put together with great care and consideration, knit together, formed in His image! I love that song that goes... “You made everything Glorious! You made everything Glorious! And I am yours....what does that make me?” He walks with you and calls you His own...How blessed are you to have God as your companion in life! Cling to that thought...God is with you! He will not forsake you! 

“even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.” Psalm 139:10

 Read through Psalm 139

Take a moment to capture your thoughts; the verses that speak to your core and the areas you feel need ACTION

1) What jumps out at you?

2) How are you wired? What specific gifts and abilities has God given you?

3) Psalm 139 speaks volumes of a Father’s love...I love the verses about how His thoughts towards you outnumber the grains of sand. (vs 17-18) Take a moment to tell your LORD and Saviour what it is you love about Him? “How do I love thee...let me count thy ways”

4) SEARCH ME: Read Psalm139:23-24 Ask God to show you where you need a little “tweaking?”

Application verses:

Joshua 1:5

“As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”

Psalm 103:1-5

“Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”

Psalm 103:12

“as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us”

Proverbs 20:24

“A man’s steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand his own way?”

Proverbs 31:30

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”

Turn your mind from Churn to Burn...

My family are living on the road permanently these days... (see our BLOG over at a-dventure.blogspot.com)

It's been quite an experience packing up all and sundry...and hitting the road. We now have no official Home, no stuff left to store, all we have is what is in our car and camper trailer.

Life is...an adventure!

It's funny how a few weeks living in close quarters affects you.

Our white shirts are no longer white.

Our shoes are very grubby.

I have not slept through the night since we left as now I have to escort little people to public toilets for that urgent call through the night!

Our meals are very simple, we have no microwave and the only Dishwashers we have are the ones on the ends of our own arms!!!

Our children have limited toys but a whole wide area to play in...unless it's raining! They each have their own small toy box. And since the twins have already had a Birthday, whilst we were on the road...their boxes have been re packed numerous times to accomodate their pressies! christmas saw all 4 pulling their boxes apart, cos they knew....if they can't fit it in the box...it goes!

And being a typical Mummy I'm programmed to feel guilty about the slightest thing....

Does that happen to you?

I churn over stupid things like...

• Are my kids going to be worse off for this round Australia experience....having had to leave their closest friends, give away all their toys away, down size their clothing to a handful of sets....? I hope not. 
• Are we even going to like each other at the end of this? We've had many a  Raarrrrrr over simple things like..."backing a trailer", being too exhausted to get up during the night and "could you please go"....? Who's washing up...? Dumb stuff you know. I guess after being together 24/7 a couple of dumb blow ups when we're tired are fairly normal. 
• Will I ever get to dye my hair again?
• How on earth am I going to manage teaching my kids and travelling and keeping them fed, clothed and bathed...?

Sigh.

I have, I confess, had a few nights, and days, when I've cried out to God in total desperation....

Lord I need you!!! I can't do this!!!!! Lord, are you there? Can you hear me? Am I just being dumb? What were you thinking sending us around Australia? How on earth are we going to afford this? I miss my family...I miss my Church family...at least they sang songs that I know.... I miss my MOPS groups....I miss my Neighbour! I'm cold!!!! Are we ever going to get off this Island and back to Mainland Australia?  Sob....

And you know what... Every Time!

Not some of the time...but EVERYTIME He has provided for our needs...

We have had money turn up unexpectedly in our Bank account, just when a Big Bill came in...We've had people offer Daniel work when he desperately needed it. We have been kept safe and secure, our tent got twisted and blown sideways and nothing broke! We've heard people speak in Church that were Missionaries in PNG and wouldn't you know it but they were from the same Church that a fellow MOPS Regional Coordinator attends And the lady was a MOPS Mum...coincidence...hmmm I think Not! The message that day was on: being a part of a Church Family and...wait for it....Doing something Radical in your Christian Walk!

God has been with us every step of the way...
He has been there with me, when I'm bawling my eyes out...as well as when i'm cracking up laughing....
He is with me...
His still quiet voice is the voice I so desperately crave, and when I spend time seeking him....earnestly....somehow the pop and crackle and white noise of my crazy mobile life fades into the background and He comforts me...with quiet assurance that He is with me...I am not alone... He will strengthen and Protect me and He will provide for me....

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

I am quite sure that I will have more days when I lose the plot, and when I wonder how on earth we're going to manage... Life on the road is fraught with a miriad of problems to solve. I just pray that in those moments, I will be able to step back, take a deep breath and get His perspective on things....

Teary & weary!!!

Well it's official... I'm EMOTIONAL!!!

I'm not sure why I'm on this emotional rollercoaster at this particular point in time...I just am!

Teary, over sensitive, and tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddddd!

I know that it's normal for us gals at certain times to get a little, well....tense and twitchy! But this is ridiculous!

I hear a sweet story and I cry!

I open and read a Birthday card from a dear friend and I cry!

I can't get rid of the ants for the kitchen and I cry!

I go on a beautiful mountain drive surrounded by vistas that take your breath away...and I CRY!

What is with me?

Hmphf.

And where is the CHOCOLATE???

Oh it's alright, I haven't lost the plot for at least...hmmm, 5 hours (when I was perched on the edge of a high free fall; had this crazy idea that today was the day I could confront my fear of heights! WRONG!!! It just left me a sooky, shaky mess, embarressed and dissapointed with myself. I think it was made worse by the fact that I had an audience. Yep, my 4 precious children were watching me to see what I would do. And I blanched, I choked....I, you guessed it...CRIED!).

Days like today, when I've tried something scary for me...

when I've been sitting on the edge, CRYING...

They are the days that not a single tear falls to the ground without notice.

I know that as lousy as I feel, those tears are serving a purpose....they are like a pressure valve going off...and they are catching the attention of our LORD and Saviour who is diligently collecting them.

Why?

Because he cares so much about us. Because each and every tear that rolls down our cheeks are worthy of his attention. The King of Heaven is not only interested in our tears...His concern for us goes much deeper than tears...He loves us. He longs to comfort us and give us peace.

I think after today's harrowing experience I have nothing left, so I'm going to crawl into bed.

I'm done! I'm over it! I'm....tired.

As I drift off to sleep I choose to focus not on my shortcomings, or my leaky face....but on my Lord and Saviour. And the knowledge that I am His, set apart, and loved no matter what! And this verse is playing through my mind... 

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Hobbits and Eggs ...

It seems bizarre to me that after being out of the House all week at School come Saturday morning all my kids want to do is lie around INSIDE and not "DO" a whole lot.

As they are up first, they help themselves to their first Breakfast...(I do believe I gave birth to Hobbits!) then they either play or watch Saturday Disney.

Daniel actually blesses us with a Saturday morning tradition: cooking a Hot Breakfast. The contents of which are usually determined by what is present in our refrigerator at the time...Short Cut Gluten Free Bacon, Eggs (whichever way we want them), Tomato, Hash Browns (on the odd occasion), Mushrooms (I know others like them but seriously....YUK!) all served with a cool glass of Orange Juice and just for me a steaming cup of coffee. He insists that the adults are to be served first...then the Kids all line up for their Second Breakfast!

It's a simple tradition in our family, and one that I really appreciate....

I love Saturdays. It is one of the only days we start all together. That time together as one family is so precious to me. I love it!!! I crave it!!! I neeeeeed it!!! It helps me to feel that we are in this together. We are a Team....and quite often it is a time when we get to talk. The children inevitably wander off to do their own thing and I have my dear Hubby's attention, all to myself! Well for a little while. He works Saturdays. But for that small window of time not even Hannah Montana can compete for my attention! I secretly love that show!!!

We seem to have more and more demands on our time, running this child to violin, this one to cello, these two to Cub Scouts, dragging myself to Book Club and MOPS (nothing gets in the way of attending those invaluable head space creating events) sharing Daniel with the men's ministry he is involved in, work...not to mention clearing out the house in preparation for leaving in 29 days to travel around Australia permanently! Think Gypsy lifestyle, although I don't think we'll be Singing or Dancing for our supper, no-one would pay us.... So any time I can get with my Husband is like gold to me!

Thank you Lord for blessing me with a man who works so hard for his family. Thank you Lord for our special Saturday morning tradition, for hungry little Hobbit like people who eat well and for time to just "be together". Please help us to appreciate each other and enjoy each other's company, no matter how brief those moments may be.

Rotten Eggs, Kidney Beans & a dash of Perspective...

When I was a baby I crawled under a table and rubbed golden syrup all though the wiry leg hairs of my dear Uncle Ted.

When I was a toddler I drank kerosene whilst our remote western property was flooded in.

When I was a little girl I cleaned my pet cat’s teeth with my Uncle Jack Back’s toothbrush! (Not my most endearing moment)

When I came across a big egg in the reeds one day with my older sister, we decided to take turns sitting on it to keep it warm and make it hatch. The egg was rotten which is why it had been discarded from the nest, but we thought we were hatching a baby. Mum told us to get rid of it so we hid it in our pantry and it eventually exploded. (again not my most endearing moment)

When I was in primary school my mother went on a health kick and grew weird so-called healthy things on the kitchen bench, we thought they were disgusting…and she seasoned every meal with a disproportionate serve of kidney beans! To this day I am traumatised at the very sight of them… We detested these beans and went to great lengths to avoid actually consuming them. My sister and I came up with this plan- we set the table with paper napkins, discreetly spat the kidney beans into them as we “wiped” our mouths and then passed them to the Jackeroo under the table and unbeknownst to Mum, he would feed them to the dogs after dinner. All went famously until he got sprung and myyyy mother made us eat a whole bowl of kidney beans for punishment! Uuurgh!

And now I have children…

The ultimate pay back for my childhood misadventures

Children who: have vomited in my husband’s armpit, have rubbed mashed banana onto my sister’s neck, have mopped the walls and every surface imaginable with a sodden mop – even the toilet paper was mopped! Have “washed” their toys in the toilet bowl, have decorated their bodies with my makeup, have drawn on each other with permanent marker, spread self raising flour throughout the house, decorated the walls with my expensive face creams……

Can you see a common thread here?

I am sure we drove our mother to distraction at times. But my Mum bless her heart always seemed to understand that she was “raising kids” not rushing from one disaster scene to the next. She had a long term view, an idea of where she wanted to grow us to. So when I feel like I’m running from disaster to disaster….. It helps me to think that this thing that's happening is not permanent, my children will survive childhood, because I did. And some things are just not worth getting upset about. Ask yourself “will this matter in 5 years?” and if it won’t, let it be water off a duck’s back. Jesus parents you with a long term perspective, follow his example.

Oh, and just a wee tip: kidney beans make kids rebel!