The Art and Science Of...Me

Who am I?

That The Lord of all the earth,

would care to know my name...

would care to feel my hurt...

If you really knew me...you wouldn’t like me. Do you ever catch this thought beetling through your head. Usually followed closely by the troublesome: Am I good enough? Am I worthy? Or recently thanks to the popular rock song.... Am I pretty enough?

When I was a little girl I used to spend hours pretending to be somebody else...not just anybody, specifically those I perceived to be beautiful, attractive, successful, even fascinating. I was often frustrated by my gawky self, my unruly straw coloured hair, my voice that was just lacking “something”, my freckly face, chubby body and totally un-appealing flat chest!!! I longed to be as sensual as Sandra Dee (Olivia Newton-John in “Grease”), as beautiful as Eliza Doolittle (Audrey Hepburn in “My Fair Lady”), as free-spirited as Maria (Julie Andrews in “The Sound Of Music”) and I’m super embarrassed to say....as voluptuous as Dolly Parton!!! 

With these beauties of stage and screen to compare myself too, I never really stacked up! I often felt awkward and uncomfortable with my body, my singing voice, my “self” and my um lack of a bust! And then I stumbled over Psalm 139. And over time have come to accept the “me” that God made! It didn’t come easily! I didn’t wake up one morning and suddenly think “I’m gorgeous – strike a pose!” Quite the opposite actually. It took me a while. I would take all my insecurities, stinging comments (like “do you have a baby in your belly” when I wasn’t pregnant) to God and pour out my heart in prayer. There, curled up in a tight little ball in the arms of Jesus, repeating all those hurtful, critical remarks and comparing myself to someone else’s beautiful outsides....God slowly began to reveal to me just how carefully he put me together, how dear I am to Him, how He deliberately wired me for His plan and His purpose! And each time I come back and sit in His presence I am reminded that it only matters that I’m His! He knows me, He sees my very thoughts, He thinks about me more often than I can even comprehend....and He loves me just the way I am! Of course it helps that I married an Electrician, a fella that really sees me...and likes the way I’m wired!

God is with you and rescues you from your troubles. You are not alone in this world, quite the contrary actually. The one who lovingly pieced you together, who knows your very thoughts; has a plan and a purpose for your life! You are not some random collection of cells coming together unexpectedly...you are a delicate framework, put together with great care and consideration, knit together, formed in His image! I love that song that goes... “You made everything Glorious! You made everything Glorious! And I am yours....what does that make me?” He walks with you and calls you His own...How blessed are you to have God as your companion in life! Cling to that thought...God is with you! He will not forsake you! 

“even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.” Psalm 139:10

 Read through Psalm 139

Take a moment to capture your thoughts; the verses that speak to your core and the areas you feel need ACTION

1) What jumps out at you?

2) How are you wired? What specific gifts and abilities has God given you?

3) Psalm 139 speaks volumes of a Father’s love...I love the verses about how His thoughts towards you outnumber the grains of sand. (vs 17-18) Take a moment to tell your LORD and Saviour what it is you love about Him? “How do I love thee...let me count thy ways”

4) SEARCH ME: Read Psalm139:23-24 Ask God to show you where you need a little “tweaking?”

Application verses:

Joshua 1:5

“As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”

Psalm 103:1-5

“Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits - who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”

Psalm 103:12

“as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us”

Proverbs 20:24

“A man’s steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand his own way?”

Proverbs 31:30

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”

Turn your mind from Churn to Burn...

My family are living on the road permanently these days... (see our BLOG over at a-dventure.blogspot.com)

It's been quite an experience packing up all and sundry...and hitting the road. We now have no official Home, no stuff left to store, all we have is what is in our car and camper trailer.

Life is...an adventure!

It's funny how a few weeks living in close quarters affects you.

Our white shirts are no longer white.

Our shoes are very grubby.

I have not slept through the night since we left as now I have to escort little people to public toilets for that urgent call through the night!

Our meals are very simple, we have no microwave and the only Dishwashers we have are the ones on the ends of our own arms!!!

Our children have limited toys but a whole wide area to play in...unless it's raining! They each have their own small toy box. And since the twins have already had a Birthday, whilst we were on the road...their boxes have been re packed numerous times to accomodate their pressies! christmas saw all 4 pulling their boxes apart, cos they knew....if they can't fit it in the box...it goes!

And being a typical Mummy I'm programmed to feel guilty about the slightest thing....

Does that happen to you?

I churn over stupid things like...

• Are my kids going to be worse off for this round Australia experience....having had to leave their closest friends, give away all their toys away, down size their clothing to a handful of sets....? I hope not. 
• Are we even going to like each other at the end of this? We've had many a  Raarrrrrr over simple things like..."backing a trailer", being too exhausted to get up during the night and "could you please go"....? Who's washing up...? Dumb stuff you know. I guess after being together 24/7 a couple of dumb blow ups when we're tired are fairly normal. 
• Will I ever get to dye my hair again?
• How on earth am I going to manage teaching my kids and travelling and keeping them fed, clothed and bathed...?

Sigh.

I have, I confess, had a few nights, and days, when I've cried out to God in total desperation....

Lord I need you!!! I can't do this!!!!! Lord, are you there? Can you hear me? Am I just being dumb? What were you thinking sending us around Australia? How on earth are we going to afford this? I miss my family...I miss my Church family...at least they sang songs that I know.... I miss my MOPS groups....I miss my Neighbour! I'm cold!!!! Are we ever going to get off this Island and back to Mainland Australia?  Sob....

And you know what... Every Time!

Not some of the time...but EVERYTIME He has provided for our needs...

We have had money turn up unexpectedly in our Bank account, just when a Big Bill came in...We've had people offer Daniel work when he desperately needed it. We have been kept safe and secure, our tent got twisted and blown sideways and nothing broke! We've heard people speak in Church that were Missionaries in PNG and wouldn't you know it but they were from the same Church that a fellow MOPS Regional Coordinator attends And the lady was a MOPS Mum...coincidence...hmmm I think Not! The message that day was on: being a part of a Church Family and...wait for it....Doing something Radical in your Christian Walk!

God has been with us every step of the way...
He has been there with me, when I'm bawling my eyes out...as well as when i'm cracking up laughing....
He is with me...
His still quiet voice is the voice I so desperately crave, and when I spend time seeking him....earnestly....somehow the pop and crackle and white noise of my crazy mobile life fades into the background and He comforts me...with quiet assurance that He is with me...I am not alone... He will strengthen and Protect me and He will provide for me....

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

I am quite sure that I will have more days when I lose the plot, and when I wonder how on earth we're going to manage... Life on the road is fraught with a miriad of problems to solve. I just pray that in those moments, I will be able to step back, take a deep breath and get His perspective on things....

Rotten Eggs, Kidney Beans & a dash of Perspective...

When I was a baby I crawled under a table and rubbed golden syrup all though the wiry leg hairs of my dear Uncle Ted.

When I was a toddler I drank kerosene whilst our remote western property was flooded in.

When I was a little girl I cleaned my pet cat’s teeth with my Uncle Jack Back’s toothbrush! (Not my most endearing moment)

When I came across a big egg in the reeds one day with my older sister, we decided to take turns sitting on it to keep it warm and make it hatch. The egg was rotten which is why it had been discarded from the nest, but we thought we were hatching a baby. Mum told us to get rid of it so we hid it in our pantry and it eventually exploded. (again not my most endearing moment)

When I was in primary school my mother went on a health kick and grew weird so-called healthy things on the kitchen bench, we thought they were disgusting…and she seasoned every meal with a disproportionate serve of kidney beans! To this day I am traumatised at the very sight of them… We detested these beans and went to great lengths to avoid actually consuming them. My sister and I came up with this plan- we set the table with paper napkins, discreetly spat the kidney beans into them as we “wiped” our mouths and then passed them to the Jackeroo under the table and unbeknownst to Mum, he would feed them to the dogs after dinner. All went famously until he got sprung and myyyy mother made us eat a whole bowl of kidney beans for punishment! Uuurgh!

And now I have children…

The ultimate pay back for my childhood misadventures

Children who: have vomited in my husband’s armpit, have rubbed mashed banana onto my sister’s neck, have mopped the walls and every surface imaginable with a sodden mop – even the toilet paper was mopped! Have “washed” their toys in the toilet bowl, have decorated their bodies with my makeup, have drawn on each other with permanent marker, spread self raising flour throughout the house, decorated the walls with my expensive face creams……

Can you see a common thread here?

I am sure we drove our mother to distraction at times. But my Mum bless her heart always seemed to understand that she was “raising kids” not rushing from one disaster scene to the next. She had a long term view, an idea of where she wanted to grow us to. So when I feel like I’m running from disaster to disaster….. It helps me to think that this thing that's happening is not permanent, my children will survive childhood, because I did. And some things are just not worth getting upset about. Ask yourself “will this matter in 5 years?” and if it won’t, let it be water off a duck’s back. Jesus parents you with a long term perspective, follow his example.

Oh, and just a wee tip: kidney beans make kids rebel!

Once upon a time there was a busy mummy...

I wonder sometimes just how my four perceive me???
Do they see me as a stressed out Psycho-Mum?
I wonder....

Once upon a time there was a stressed out Mummy who was always busy. Her favourite thing to do was have her turn on the computer. She didn't like mess, always wanted us to help clean it up, especially when someone was coming over to visit. She often rang her handsome prince to find out exactly when he would be home and then kept looking up expectantly as cars drove past. And spent all her days doing the washing although she never did actually get it folded and put back into drawers. She loved us, cleaned us, fed us, fixed our sores and wiped our tears and our snotty noses. She tucked us in to bed, came running when we called out in the night, gave us ventolin when we were having asthma attacks....!

Sometimes, it is a delight to have a snuggly wiggly bony bottomed little one on your lap reading to you.
Or to have a cuddle under the covers on a chilly morning before getting on with the "to do list".
Or to go for a burn on the scooter in the driveway....just because.
Or to make choc dipped strawberries for dessert, and use the last of the chocolate to cover 4 large marshmallows as an extra treat for 4 precious little darlings.
Or to warm up the day's clothes in the drier on a cold morning so they're snug and warm and sooooo nice.
But sometimes I forget. I get tied up in the crazy paced day to day survival that belongs to working Mums. You know what? I wouldn't be surprised if my kids missed "their Mum" sometimes. I certainly miss them. I feel so overwhelmed with love for these four precious people and their Dad....but sometimes I just wonder...am I always to be a busy Mummy?

Lord help me today to take time to play, to laugh and slow down and hold hands and appreciate the children that you have blessed me with. Help me to relax in your sovereignty, help me to be a better Mum, help me to spend time on the things that really matter today. Thank you for your advice to "come away with me to a quiet place...." Now I know you have kids too!

The chapter is closing...

My twins have turned six!
SIX!
My babies are starting Grade one! I feel like a whole chapter of my life has come to an end. Gone are the days when I had four small children under the age of 4! Now I just have 4 children aged 6, 8 and 9...doesn't sound anywhere near as impressive .
Gone are the days when I nursed them in the wee small hours to sleep. Now I just guide them to the toilet and back to bed, or quiet their fears of scary things in the dark of the night with a cuddle and a kiss and a "just climb into bed with me for a while" (at least until my arm goes numb and I rouse myself enough to guide them back to their own bed). Gone are those moments when I wore their food as they discovered new textures and flavours. Gone are the times when we coaxed them to smile, to giggle, to wave "Bye Bye", to say "please" or to blow kisses. Gone are the days when I rocked shopping trolleys to sleep and swayed from side to side whilst standing regardless of whether I had a child with me or not. Gone are the days when the "nappy bag" the keeper of all things necessary for every occasion accompanied the family on outings. Now I struggle to carry all the water bottles hats etc, and still get caught out at times with wet children in desperate need of a towel, or a jumper or a wet wipe.... Gone are the days when Playschool dominated the TV, and The Wiggles were cool. Gone are the days when my answers were accepted no question. Gone are the days when we took the twin pram everywhere!!! Gone are the days of all in one pajamas and lazy days spent playing on the floor. Gone are the days when I had them all to myself. My wee ones are now venturing out into the world, starting a new chapter of their lives. Meeting new friends and learning new and exciting things.
And I'll be right beside them initially.
Then I'll be around...
Then there when I'm needed.
A new chapter has begun.
I may not be able to pry the door of their infancy open again, but I can certainly look back in wonder at the moments that defined them.
I pray that this new adventure they are embarking on will be full of excitement and more defining moments. I pray that they will be kept safe from harm. I also thank God for giving me a front row seat, so that I can watch it all unfold.
That reminds me of Erma Bombeck's  "When God Created Mothers"...

When God Created Mothers

When the good Lord was creating mothers He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said, "You’re doing a lot of fiddling around this one."
And the Lord said, "Have you read the specs on this order? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic; Have 180 moveable parts... all replaceable; Run on black coffee and leftovers; Have a lap that disappears when she stands up; A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair; And six pairs of hands."
The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands... no way."
"It’s not the hands that are causing me problems," said the Lord. "It’s the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have."
"That’s on the standard model?" asked the angel.
The Lord nodded. "One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, "What are you kids doing in there?" when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn’t but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say, "I understand and I Love You" without so much as uttering a word."
"Lord", said the angel, touching His sleeve gently, "Come to bed. Tomorrow..."
"I can’t," said the Lord, "I’m so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick... can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger... and can get a nine-year-old to stand under a shower."
The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It’s too soft," she sighed.
"But tough!" said the Lord excitedly. "You cannot imagine what this mother can do or endure."
"Can it think?"
"Not only think, but it can reason and compromise," said the Creator.
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. "There’s a leak," she pronounced. "I told You. You were trying to put too much into this model."
"It’s not a leak," said the Lord, "it’s a tear."
"What’s it for?"
"It’s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness and pride."
"You are a genius," said the angel.
The Lord looked somber. "I didn’t put it there."

For all those Mums with little ones starting School this year...remember..
Mothering really does matter!

Do-Overs =]

I have just been reading an article on perseverance.
It went a bit like this...
read a line....get part way though a sentence..
enter one 6year old...

"Mummy....can you do up my necklace.... Mummmy....mummmy... excuse me mummy....can you do up my necklace....cos I want to wear it today...(+ a stream of rambling chitter chatter)"

I stop...do up the necklace.
Find my place again, am partway through the next sentence....
enter the other 6 year old.....

"Excuse me mum, can I ride my bike please? Mum. Mum Mum!!!!!! Can I ride my bike pleeeeeaaaasee?" He places his little hands on my cheeks and turns my head to face him....

I agree with conditions.
Now I've totally forgotten where I'm up to, and decide to start over. Get two lines into it, and ....
Sense a presence behind me... One 9 year old reading over my shoulder (instead of helping her sister clean up their room for the approaching School year!!!!)
I growl.... she exits hastily.
Think in hindsight letting her read the article on persistence would have been a good idea.... sigh.
Start over again. Halfway through it.... when the 8 year old and the 9 year old start bickering. I can clearly hear them from my seat... hmmm.
Pause....
Listen...
No tears, no blood....
no intervention required.... I finish the article.
Thank goodness for "Do-overs!"
Do you ever feel like you need a "Do-Over?"
You know, when you try and try to accomplish something and it just doesn't get finished... I read a wonderful quote once, although I can't remember the author...

"cleaning the house before the children are grown is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing"

I would like to alter it to say:

"reading an article before the children are sleeping is a fruitless exercise that can leave you weeping"

Getting away to find perspective

My children have succeeded in driving their mother crazy. So complete is their success that I find myself frequently uttering these once unthinkable words:

"Honey, you need to get out. Go ahead, call a friend and escape for a while. I'll take care of these---things."

With that, she's out the door in 2.5 minutes. She called me from her mobile phone shortly thereafter,

"Hi, Honey. What time would you like me home?"

"Anytime," I said. "Just have fun."

"OK," she said excitedly. "See you Sunday."

Spray, Pray and Play Today!

Just a few quick thoughts running through my head at lightning speed....

My wonderful husband came home this week with a new 100ml bottle of my favourite perfume!
How delicious!
And I've been spraying every day!
There was a time when I would keep the really nice stuff for just special occasions....but not anymore.

Today is an occasion! It doesn't have to be the same mundane stuff every day!

By jingoes if I'm going to attack the 3 day old dishes stacked up with milky residue, I NEED perfume! Or something to remind me that I'm really Living!
When we lived in North Queensland we had sunshine 360 days a year! And that means it was hot most of the time! I kept my makeup in the fridge, seriously! And perfume exposed to heat goes bad, seriously! I'll never forget pulling out my candelabra only to discover all 3 long slim candles bent over in perfect "J" formation.
Wouldn't happen now.
I make a decision daily to use the really nice candles, the nice makeup, wear the nice underwear, the nice dresses, the nice shoes, the special expensive perfume my lovely fella blessed me with. What's the point of having it if I don't use it anyway?
I choose to live now, to enjoy now, to be a better person, wife and mother!
I may be wiping snotty noses, cleaning up vomit, treating for head lice AGAIN, but I'm doing it with a nice fragrance.....
I hope that in some small way I leave a lingering reminder of the fragrance of Christ as well.
I try to press into him daily, much like I used to when I was a lot younger with the nice perfume samples in girly magazines. I used to open the sample and rub it on. I'd like to think that I don't just give him the "normal day to day mundane" stuff in my life but make each time we meet an occasion.
I have to say at this point that the fragrance of Christ does not completely obliterate the B.O. of life, but it does make it heaps more bearable!

Press into him today. Because Life is an Occasion!

Read It And Loved It...

Feathers From My Nest, a Mother's reflections

written by Beth Moore. (you can find out more about Beth at living proof ministries or bethmoore.org)
What a lovely book, it was like a warm cosy look at parenting with the perspective of 'been there done that'. I thoroughly enjoyed laughing and crying with Beth and her family as they really invited the reader in to their family. Well worth the read.

"They lifted up effortlessly into the sky and headed toward a masterfully painted horizon. Mr Sparrow glanced back one last time. 'A fine nest it was'. Mrs Sparrow was finally content to look ahead, her tears drying in the autumn breeze. There would be more tears. But there would also be more breezes to dry them. She looked to her right contentedly, thankful for her partner in this terrestrial flight. She then tilted her wings upward to gaze at her Maker, resting assured of her flight's destination. No need to look back. After all, she left nothing behind. For she had gathered feathers from her nest."