When I was a baby I crawled under a table and rubbed golden syrup all though the wiry leg hairs of my dear Uncle Ted.
When I was a toddler I drank kerosene whilst our remote western property was flooded in.
When I was a little girl I cleaned my pet cat’s teeth with my Uncle Jack Back’s toothbrush! (Not my most endearing moment)
When I came across a big egg in the reeds one day with my older sister, we decided to take turns sitting on it to keep it warm and make it hatch. The egg was rotten which is why it had been discarded from the nest, but we thought we were hatching a baby. Mum told us to get rid of it so we hid it in our pantry and it eventually exploded. (again not my most endearing moment)
When I was in primary school my mother went on a health kick and grew weird so-called healthy things on the kitchen bench, we thought they were disgusting…and she seasoned every meal with a disproportionate serve of kidney beans! To this day I am traumatised at the very sight of them… We detested these beans and went to great lengths to avoid actually consuming them. My sister and I came up with this plan- we set the table with paper napkins, discreetly spat the kidney beans into them as we “wiped” our mouths and then passed them to the Jackeroo under the table and unbeknownst to Mum, he would feed them to the dogs after dinner. All went famously until he got sprung and myyyy mother made us eat a whole bowl of kidney beans for punishment! Uuurgh!
And now I have children…
The ultimate pay back for my childhood misadventures
Children who: have vomited in my husband’s armpit, have rubbed mashed banana onto my sister’s neck, have mopped the walls and every surface imaginable with a sodden mop – even the toilet paper was mopped! Have “washed” their toys in the toilet bowl, have decorated their bodies with my makeup, have drawn on each other with permanent marker, spread self raising flour throughout the house, decorated the walls with my expensive face creams……
Can you see a common thread here?
I am sure we drove our mother to distraction at times. But my Mum bless her heart always seemed to understand that she was “raising kids” not rushing from one disaster scene to the next. She had a long term view, an idea of where she wanted to grow us to. So when I feel like I’m running from disaster to disaster….. It helps me to think that this thing that's happening is not permanent, my children will survive childhood, because I did. And some things are just not worth getting upset about. Ask yourself “will this matter in 5 years?” and if it won’t, let it be water off a duck’s back. Jesus parents you with a long term perspective, follow his example.
Oh, and just a wee tip: kidney beans make kids rebel!