Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Dummy Mummy

I have been replaced!

I know that when you take on the roll of primary educator, sooner or later it's going to happen. You are going to be replaced! When your children are small you are the smartest Mummy in the world. It appears your IQ level and general knowledge seems to decrease proportionally as their little legs increase. I have twin 5 year olds who think I'm pretty clever, it's so lovely....That wide eyed trusting is so precious and so very short lived I can tell you.

Miss 9 and Miss 8 have taken it upon themselves to point out the flaws in my statements, correct my pronunciation and even (to my absolute disgust) argue categorically that I am WRONG!!!! Hmmmm, not good! The thing is, Miss 9 makes these sweeping statements based entirely on her opinion and wonders why people argue with her. It's really very funny when you are removed from the front line verbal assault she has launched.

My parents always used to make those really annoying yet cuttingly accurate observations, like

"it's better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt!" or "would you THINK before you open your mouth!"

I think Miss 9 has been around her Mother too long, not only have I reached my use-by date but I'm just too familiar. She is genuinely astonished when I actually know something she doesn't! And when I'm feeling particularly brave I correct her pronunciation....simple things like pronouncing "heir" "hair"....

Have you ever heard of "baby brain" or the fact that with the passing of each placenta, your brain function diminishes? I think God planned it that way so there wouldn't be one child families all over the world. We have to forget about childbirth, that hurts!!!!

Just as an aside I liken childbirth to pushing out a pineapple....

Well, I have had 4 placentas which should explain my struggling synapses! Nearly a decade has passed since my firstborn came into the world loudly declaring her opinion even at birth! Perhaps she's just one of those kids, born crying out her opinion and continuing to do so even today. It's just the details that have changed: in this case the length of her legs and my decreased brain function. Really I am still wearing most of her verbal barrages. I'm sure these attributes will suit her well later in life, and you never know maybe one day soon she'll ask my opinion.... For now, I will be content to deflect the onslaught of her newly formed opinions, reliably fielding her questions as effectively as a Google search page.

Oh no I can hear a commotion in the background Miss 9 is directing Miss 8, Miss 5 and Mr 5. Time to enter the fray I feel. Okay, deep breath, arrow prayer for wisdom...shoulders back........

Oh my, what long legs she has!!!!

No comments: